Fantasy Character Couples: Mr and Mrs Magic - Sketch

 A TV montage of  of a newlywed couple in normal day to day activities like going for a walk, doing the dishes, eating a meal but one is a wizard and the other is a witch.  Some clips of fake laughter and jokingly wagging a finger at each other are scattered in. A voice over (TV presenter)  plays over these clips

Voice over: Today on Fantasy Character Couples we have newlyweds Mrs and Mr Magic. (Images of the couple come up on screen with camera flashes as each new one comes up) Mr Magic is a wizard where Mrs magic is a witch. Both very similar fantasy characters but with very different magical traits. How will these two cope with married life. Find out on tonight's episode. 

The logo for the show appears (Just the name of the show) as a short jingle plays. The couple are stood in front of their house (a wizards tower with a small hut attached) the witch holding a broom the wizard a staff, they are posing beside each other very unnaturally since the cameras are on them. 

Ext - day outside the tower. The wizard (Mr M) is stood in front of the open door of the tower. 

Mr M: Welcome to my wizard tower. (He gestures to follow as he walks into the tower and the camera crew follows).

Int - the tower looks like a typical "man cave" but with neon candles instead of neon signs, loads of dusty spell books lying around and a chess board with foosball players instead of chess pieces. 

Voice Over: Mr Magic has brought us to his wizards tower, he's had built as an extension to their hut.

Mr M: So yeah this is my home away from home. My wizards cave if you will. Yeah I mean I had to have it built to get away from the hag once in a while. And by hag I do mean the Mrs. I mean she insisted she could not live in a tower and still be a witch. I said I already do the more superior magic so you don't need to keep being a witch now we are married.

Camera Man:  What did she say to that?

Mr M (looks embarrassed to admit it): She turned me into a toad.

A montage of pictures appears of Mr and Mrs Magic with the same jingle as the voice over plays.

Voice over: Mrs Magic is cooking  something in her cauldron as Mr Magic watching TV.

Int - Evening - Hut - Mrs Magic (Mrs M) is stood stirring her cauldron, Mr M is sat in a rocking chair in front of a small TV. Mr M won't look away from TV for this scene.

Mr M: Do you have to bubble and boil that loud I can't hear the TV!?

Mrs M: If you want anything to eat yeah I do.

Mr M: What we having?

Mrs M (under her breath): Boiled husband.

Mr M: What was that?

Mrs M: Fish.

Mr M: Oh I thought that smell was you.

Mrs M: Right I've had enough. (Raises her arms)

A puff of smoke fills the room - fades to black. Text appears on screen. Sad music plays. 

    Text: Mr and Mrs Magic then got a divorce, due to Mr Magic being turned into a cat.

Cut to Mrs Magic sat in the rocking chair stroking a cat on her lap.

Camera Man: So, tell us how was married life?

Mrs M: Not great, but I always did want a familiar (She cackles).

    Fade to black once more as credits roll as the jingle heard at the start plays.

Nattering Nans: Awful Crime - Sketch

 Int Day - A simple room with  two arm chairs and a closed door. One woman (W1) is sitting on the chair closest to the door. Loads of clattering noise is coming from behind the door. Pots and pans clattering and a kittle hiss. W1looks fed up with the noise.

W1: What on earth are you -

    The door swings open narrowly missing W1's face as another woman (W2) barges out the door with a tea trolley fully of cups, biscuits, little cakes and a tea pot (unnecessary amount of kitchen equipment hidden amongst the tea things like a frying pan, big knife, pizza cutter etc). 

W2 (bring trolley between the the two chairs): Just making the tea.

    Once the trolley comes to a stop W2 walks over to the chair that W1 is sitting in and goes to sit down in it

W1 (shoving W2 off):  Oh get off you! You sit there! (pointing annoyed at other chair) Not here!

W2(pointing at free chair): Oh there! I thought you said by the door. (Acting clueless, it is clear she know what she did).

W1: I said away from the door! Oh just sit down!

    W2 goes to sit down on W1 again but before she can W1 shoos her off

W1(Very annoyed now): Over there!

    W2 walks hurriedly to her chair and sits down.

W2: Now then any gossip?

W1: No, you?

W2: Well.. no.

    Both look around bored. Suddenly W1 sits forward 

W1: Oh! Oh! Wait I've got one!

W2: Oooo this will be good!

W1: Ok, ok, ok so last week I thought I'll go on a trip.

W2: Oh always a good idea.

W1: Right? Anyway I had a look online and guess how much they cost nowadays!

W2(in a whisper, on the edge of her seat): How much?

W1: Over Two Hundred Pounds!

W2(flops back into the chair in an outrage): Oh my god!

W1: Exactly, I was only going to the next town over. So I thought you know what I've not done in years?

W2(whispering again): What?

W1: Go to the park to play on the swings.

W2: I loved going to  the park! How many years has it been now? 30? 40?

W1(under her breath): For you over 100. (Normal volume again)  I was thinking to myself, I though Gene why haven't you been to the park in so long?

W2: Because you're not a small child anymore?

W1: Well yes but-

W2: And you never had any children of your own?

W1: Yes. Now can I finish please. Can I? Can I?

W2: Yes sorry go on.

W1: Well, I got there and guess what?

W2(Sarcastic): You dragged an 8 year old off a swing?

W1: How did you know?

W2: Just a guess (pulls out a note book and open) Now tell me what happened?

W1: Are you tasking notes Ethel?

W2: For the police report. Just in case.

W1: Well, they'll arrest anyone these days.

W2(shaking her head): Despicable it's just awful.

W1: You'll never guess who they arrested?

W2 (excited whisper): Who?

W1: You know Jennifer's grandson?

W2: Little Billy?

W1: Yeah he was just trying to get rid of some weeds. Well the police raided his house and everything. And for what? Some garden waste? What has the world come to!?

W2: No, no you've got that wrong. Little Billy sells and grows weed. Your thinking of Jimmy the gardener. Now his mother was arrested.

W1: No way what for?

W2: Lets just say she payed a visit to Little Billy.

W1 (picks up tea cup, turns it upside down): There's no tea in this.

W2: No there wouldn't be, I sold my kettle to pay back Little Billy.