A door opens in the middle of a lonely cottage on a hill. An old hag is smoking a pipe in her rocking chair. She is Baba Yaga.
“‘Bout time.”
Death emerges from the door. The door shuts and neatly folds itself into an origami skull before flying into Death’s robes.
“Hello… Baba… why do you… summon me…?”
“Listen Death. I need you to help with a haunted house for Halloween. I normally don’t take part but this absolute cow of a woman always wins. Anyway, I ran into her at the grocers and she says to me ‘I don’t blame you for never bothering to take part. That fake hag of the hills look lost its scare ages ago.’”
“Fake… hag…?”
“Yup. Then she tells us ‘The only reason no-one goes past your house is it’s too far away. Not because the kids think you’re a witch.’ the audacity!”
“Oh… no… is that Judeth… Cart…?”
Baba Yaga spits.
“Yup.”
“She once… told… me I was childish… for dressing up as a cheap ‘Scream’ knockoff… for Halloween…”
“Is that why her husband was alive a whole two months longer than they expected?”
“I don’t wanna talk… about it…”
“I bet The Ferryman was livid. I would have loved to hear that scream!” Baba Yaga cackles.
Halloween Night. Show time. Baba Yaga has filled the cottage with classic Halloween pranks. Eyeballs in a bowl she got them off a witch doctor last year and never got ‘round to using them. Severed hand that grabs you when you reach for candy. She doesn’t normally like that kind of enchantment but it’s for the contest. The big show stopper however, is in the centre of the kitchen is a demon trapped in a circle of salt. And just in case that doesn't scare them Death is standing in the corner spindly and large ready to make them scream!
“Trick or treat.”
“The first victims arrive, enter.”
One young boy and a teenager enter. The little boy squirms at the eyeballs. The teenager shrugs.
“Baby, they’re just grapes.”
“Nuh-uh.”
The child reaches for candy before almost losing a finger to the zombie hand. He screams.
“It’ll be some guy under the table. It’s all fake calm down.”
Then they approach the demon from the underworld! The little boy screams. He runs to the corner right into Death. The little boy almost faints from fear. He stumbles backwards into the demon's salt circle breaking its hold.
“Baba… maybe call Lilith…”
The demon charges at the boy.
“Give us a second and I’ll… oh he's biting the kid… uhm Lil-”
Red flames appear for a moment and die down revealing Lilith the Bride of Satan.
“Dammit Baba. I told you not to only use salt. These guys are tough. Stop it… Drop it… Good boy. Now I banish thee back to hell. Ta-ta puppy see you later.”
The Demon follows Lilith’s instructions before returning to the fiery pits. The boy is alive but badly hurt. The teenager is still standing watching this unfold. He’s yawning in fact. Baba Yaga walks over to the little boy and hands him a herb.
“Eat up lad. That’s it. Stop you from bleeding to death.”
“Who is this one? The older one?”
“Older brother… I think..”
“He’s been awfully unimpressed.”
“Seen it before. Mirrors and smoke machines is all.”
“Boy, do you realise I'm actually The Queen of Hell?”
“Aren't you my maths teacher?”
“Absolutely not.”
“You… just watched… this boy… be attacked by a… demon and you’re not scared…?”
“What’s scary is how long it takes you to talk. Come on Robert let’s go to Mrs. Cart’s. Maybe she will have candy.”
The teenager and the boy, now known as Robert, leave.
“I’m telling mum you let me be bitten by a demon.”
“It was just a guy in a suit.”
Baba Yaga begins to unhinge her jaw and go after them.
“Baba… you can’t…”
“You know Judeth Cart will say ‘See I always knew she was jealous. So much so she ate those two poor boys.’”
Lilith perfectly mimics Mrs Cart’s voice as she talks.
“I had real bloody everything. I bet she just uses grapes for eyes.”
“She won’t even… have a demon…”
“Well, I’m bored now. Baba, give us a summons if you want to sacrifice a babe. Toodles.”
Lilith is engulfed by flames.
“Want to… come soul reaping… with me.. To cheer you… up…?”
“Suppose.”
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