INT - DAY - ART GALLERY
Everything in the gallery is white. Huge oil paintings hang on the walls. There's a white curved desk to the left and a door to the right. The art dealer/artist (Edward) is standing by the desk to welcome the shoppers. He is very tall and slim. He hunches. His eyes are buglike and he wears an all-red suit.
A CUSTOMER enters and starts to look around. The camera follows them. After a short time, Edward slinks up to them.
EDWARD
Can I help you?
CUSTOMER
Ah! You scared me, how much is this one?
EDWARD
For you? Nothing.
The customer acts all bashful.
CUSTOMER
What? Why?
EDWARD
Because you can’t have it.
Edward starts shoving the customer out.
CUSTOMER
Wait why?
EDWARD
You’re not good enough. Buh-bye
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - SAME DAY - ART GALLERY
At the entrance of the gallery, Edward is not at his desk. A large CUSTOMER comes in and stands looking at a painting of a cake, bedside the desk. There’s a pause and Edward jumps up from behind the desk.
EDWARD
It’s not real cake you know. You can’t eat it.
CUSTOMER
I know. Um, how much?
EDWARD
No.
CUSTOMER
Pardon?
EDWARD
You’re too fat.
CUSTOEMR
You can’t say-
EDWARD
Yes, I can. It’s my shop. Now leave.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - SAME DAY - ART GALLERY
Back at the shop front. Edward is by the door this time. A LADY comes in in plain clothes, nothing extravagant.
EDWARD
Stop right there.
LADY
Wha-
EDWARD
Too poor.
LADY
Rude. I assure you I can afford-
EDWARD
Leave.
The lady turns furious and leaves.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - SAME DAY - ART GALLERY
Back at the shop front. Edward is gone again. A MAN comes in coughing. Edward slinks up to him. He gets really close.
EDWARD
Why are you coughing? Are you sick? Do you get sick often?
Edward sniffs him with one big inhale.
EDWARD
Smoker. Get out. Before you yellow the precious art like you did your teeth.
The man runs out of the shop.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - SAME DAY - ART GALLERY
Shop front Edward is at his desk reading. A Mother and young Daughter enter. Edward peers over his book.
EDWARD
Children are sticky.
LADY
She won’t touch anything.
EDWARD
No children.
LADY
But I want to-
EDWARD
I shall spit on her if you don’t leave. But over there not by the paintings.
Edward points off-camera. The mother hurriedly ushers her child out of the shop.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - SAME DAY - ART GALLERY
Edward is still reading his book at the desk. A FAMILY in funeral entire enter.
FAMILY MEMBER
Hi, our daughter loved your work. We’d really love a piece for her wake. What do you recommend?
Edward drops his book slowly on the desk. He slinks across the room to them and stands up as straight as he can.
EDWARD
Well, as flattered as I am but really it’s closing time.
Edward starts guiding the family to the door.
FAMILY MEMBER
Please, it really was her favourite and anyways it’s only 3 pm.
Edward opens the door.
EDWARD
Unfortunately, we’re closed. Maybe buy someone something they love when they’re alive next time. Ta-ta.
The family reluctantly leave, crying. Edward slams the door and leans up against it.
EDWARD
Thank goodness that’s over. No one took my darlings.
Edward runs between the paintings, talking to them.
EDWARD
Don’t worry. I won’t let them take you. No one will ever be good enough. I love you all!
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