Witch Poker - Sketch

 INT - NIGHT - COTTAGE LIVING ROOM

Three women are sitting around a dining table in a small cottage. They are BLACK ANNIS (a blue-skinned hag), BABA YAGA and LILITH (Satan’s Bride).

LILITH

I’ll deal.

Lilith starts dealing cards. These are facedown Tarot cards rather than playing cards.

LILITH

(Cont.)

We’re playing Witch’s Hold’em, a full deck between us with custom cards added. Worst future for our enemies win!

BLACK ANNIS

What we playing for?

BABA YAGA

The soul of a babe?

BLACK ANNIS

The skin of lost children?

LILITH

I was thinking cash but sure, let’s say the babe is the jackpot and the skin we can use for bets. Do either of you have a babe?

BABA YAGA

I was hoping to win one tonight.

BLACK ANNIS

And what makes you so sure you’re going to win?

BABA YAGA

I have a system.

BLACK ANNIS

If the system is the same as last time…

BABA YAGA

I didn’t know those cards were cursed!

LILITH

(A deep demonic voice)

Enough!

Lilith snaps her fingers and a robed DEMON appears at her side.

LILITH

Bring me a babe.

DEMON

Does The Dark Lord know you’re looking for other men?

LILITH

No, a newborn baby to devour.

DEMON

Ah, I see. My pleasure Madam Satan.

The demon starts to leave.

LILITH

Stop. A human baby.

The demon stops and pivots to face the other direction and continues walking out of frame.

DEMON

Of course my lady.

LILITH

Shall we?

BLACK ANNIS

Here’s some skin for betting.

Black Annis brings out bits of flesh and passes them around.

BABA YAGA

Do you always carry skin?

BLACK ANNIS

It’s very fresh, I just got it today.

LILITH

I can tell. Mine is still wet. Anyway, I bid this skin.

Lilith slaps the skin down in the middle.

BLACK ANNIS

I raise one.

Black Annis places a drier piece on top.

BABA YAGA

I double it!

BLACK ANNIS

Already?

Baba Yaga turns over her cards.

BABA YAGA

I’ve got A big Boom of Cups, Murder of Crows and Madam Satan Herself.

BLACK ANNIS

So your system is either cheating or flattery.

BABA YAGA

It’s not cheating, we could put custom ones in.

BLACK ANNIS

You got them all at once there’s no way!

LILITH

What do they even do Baba?

BABA YAGA

The Big Boom blows up the enemy, the crows eat their flesh stopping them from becoming zombies and Lilith kills them every time no exceptions all while looking gorgeous might I add.

The demon appears and hands the baby to Lilith. He then turns to ash. Lilith put the baby on the skin pile.

LILITH

As much as I love the flattery, let’s call it a practice round. The winner takes all next time.

BLACK ANNIS

Ok, but this time I shuffle.

Black Annis shuffles the cards. She does fancy tricks that go on a little too long.

LILITH

I think we get it, Annis.

Black Annis deals the cards. Lilith turns over her cards first. 

LILITH

Right, I’ve got the Five of Cups, Big Boom of Cups and the Ace of Wands. Baba?

Baba Yaga turns her cards slowly. Black Annis is watching her intently.

BABA YAGA

Three Deaths.

BLACK ANNIS

That’s it. You’re cheating. Stand up.

BABA YAGA

No. I’m not cheating. You’re just bad at shuffling.

BLACK ANNIS

There’s only one of each card in the pack!

LILITH

Stand up Baba.

BABA YAGA

I can’t I have a bad back.

BLACK ANNIS

You’re thousands of years old. You always have a bad back.

Baba Yaga stands up and cards fall out of her apron. There’s a pause. Then Black Annis lunges at her. The baby starts crying.

BLACK ANNIS

I’ll kill you!

Lilith picks up the baby and licks her lips. Black Annis chases Baba Yaga around the room.