Breaking News - Sketch

 INT - DAY - NEWS STUDIO

SUPER BREAKING NEWS:

A news reporter (PETE) is sitting behind a newsroom desk.

PETE

Breaking news was announced earlier today. We take to the streets where reports of looting have taken place. Hadi, over to you.

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EXT - SAME DAY - LOCAL HIGH STREET

A lady (HADI) is standing in front of three people she is interviewing (MAN 1, MAN 2, LADY).

HADI

Thanks, Pete, I’m standing here with three locals who are very outraged by today's events. Sir, what do you think of the news today?

Hadi holds her mic to each person she asks.

MAN 1

Outraged I am. I canny fucking believe it. I mean who do they think they are?

HADI

How about you mam?

LADY

I mean, back in my day no-one would have even let the thought cross their head, never mind actually telling people!

HADI

And what do you three think caused it?

Hadi puts her mic in front of each person as the answer one after the other.

MAN 1

Immigration

LADY

The internet.

MAN 2

Schools!

HADI

Well, as you can see, people are beside themselves with the news. Back to you Pete.

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INT - SAME DAY - NEWS STUDIO

Back to Pete in the studio.

PETE

Thanks, Hadi, next we have some footage of the riots. For sensitive viewers please note this footage is very horrifying stuff.

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EXT - EARLIER MORNING - HIGHSTREET

Footage of the ‘riots’. People are pushing over bins and throwing rocks at coffee shop windows. One rock bounces off and hits themselves in the head knocking them down. Some coffee cups have been set on fire.

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INT - SAME DAY - NEWS STUDIO

Pete is behind his desk.

PETE

Wasn’t that harrowing stuff? Looks like…

Pete holds his finger up to his ear. As if listening to an earpiece.

PETE

(Cont.)

Yes, it looks like Hadi has more concerted locals and information for has. Over to you Hadi.

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EXT - DAY - HIGHSTREET

Hadi is outside a local shopping centre. 

HADI

Hi Pete, I am standing in front of the shopping centre and although you can’t see the riots here, I’m not quite sure the mic is picking that up. But you can hear the racket the riots are kicking up.

There is silence except for the wind. A man walks past and Hadi chases him down.

HADI

Sir, sir what do you think of the breaking news?

SIR

What news?

HADI

You haven’t heard? Oh, I am sorry to be the one to break it to you, but the stats have come in. 10% of Brits, claim to prefer coffee over tea.

SIR

Ok.

The man walks off.

HADI

(To camera)

Clearly, he’s in shock. Back to you Pete.

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INT - SAME DAY - NEWS STUDIO

Pete is behind his desk.

SUPER BREAKING NEWS AGAIN:

PETE

Breaking breaking news. They’ve done a recount. And it’s not true folks, Britain still loves tea more!

Pete throws his papers in the air. Cheering from the studio can be heard off-camera.