INT - NIGHT - BASEMENT
A WOMAN is tied up in a basement. She has tape covering her mouth. The KILLER looms over her holding pliers.
KILLER
First I’m going to pull out your finger nails with pliers. (pause) Or actually how about bamboo. That’s all the rage in Asia right? (pause) Oh no. Is, is that appropriation maybe? (pause) Hmmm what to do, what to (pause) I know! I’ll remove your scalp with…
The killer looks around the basement for something to use.
KILLER
(Cont.)
Oh damn I only have dirty potato peelers. I guess that doesn’t really matter. (pause) Actually, infection while you slowly bleed to death is good.
The killer looks around for a while before picking up a rusty hatchet.
KILLER
There’s this! What do you think?
WOMAN
(Muffled)
No. No! Please!
KILLER
That’s right I did decide to go for tape in the end. Never mind. Oh! How about I sing all creepy like while I drag this down your face. That would be fun. Maybe a nursery rhyme or-
A loud banging can be heard from the basement door.
KILLER
Guests? I didn’t invite anyone. I’m not dumb.
The killer drops the axe. The banging gets louder and louder.
KILLER
Don’t want to look suspicious now. Maybe I’ll go see or we could just-
The door gets knocked off its hinges. The police rush in.
KILLER
Uh-oh, I’ll run, or grab the axe or-
The killer is pinned to the ground by the police.
KILLER
Oh, you guys are fast. I knew I’d regret not taking that deal with that witch doctor. I could be doves right now.
SKETCH END
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