Note: This sketch shows the difference between rich vs poor gossip in the past. Both the rich and poor characters will be played by the same actors.
INT - DAY - PARLOUR
Three women (LADY PENNY, LADY MELLY, LADY ELIZABETH) dressed in fancy gowns are standing at a party in a palace. They are fanning themselves as they speak. They use the fans to cover their mouths.
LADY PENNY
Did you hear about Lady Witherness? She fainted at Duke Eslington’s soiree.
LADY MELLY
I heard she couldn’t handle the tightness of her corset.
LADY ELIZABETH
Oh, pish posh. I broke a rib last week at the prince’s ball. Did I so much as grumble? No. I danced with the prince all eve.
LADY PENNY
And who is it who will be the next royal concubine? Is it Lady Witherness?
LADY MELLY
I thought it was you, Lady Elizabeth.
LADY ELIZABETH
That’s her point Lady Melly.
LADY MELLY
Right.
LADY PENNY
Well, I heard she faked it. Her father wanted her to marry an eight-two year old.
LADY ELIZABETH
Oh, men at that age wouldn’t not take a fainter.
LADY PENNY
Exactly.
LADY MELLY
She should count herself lucky. My Harold is reaching one hundred this year.
CUT TO:
INT - DAY - SMALL KITCHEN
Three maids are on the floor scrubbing away. They are PEN, MEL and ELLY.
PEN
Mary died.
MEL
Really?
ELLY
I thought she just had a cough.
MEL
It’ll be a cold won’t it?
PEN
Yeah, but her husband is looking for a promotion at the mill.
ELLY
The only way to get that is to marry the boss's daughter isn’t it?
MEL
Ah, so murder then?
PEN
Smothered most likely.
ELLY
Poor girl. She was a fine whore.
MEL
She managed to avoid that killer too.
PEN
How old is the daughter anyway?
MEL
Sixteen.
ELLY
Not too bad, I’d had two children with Bill by then.
PEN
Was that after his last wife suspiciously choked from one of your scones?
ELLY
And I've never made them as dry since.
SKETCH END
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