Junky Watch - Sketch

 

INT. SPARE ROOM- DAY

F/X Bin clattering. Birds chirping and flying away.

NARRATOR: We are sitting by the window in my spare room. This is because we want the best advantage when observing the mating pair. Not only this, but we can stay camouflaged as to not disturb them. (Beat) Lets Listen.

MAN: Oi! You! I know You! Don’t ignore me!

WOMAN: Leave it… stop it.

NARRATOR: Notice how the female holds the male back. This behaviour is very common in a pair of junkies, such as these.

F/X Hedge rustle.

NARRATOR (Cont.): Oh, it seems they have both stumbled into my garden hedge. Meaning, I can no longer observe them. To get a better look I’ll have to go closer to the window but as I already know... this can be very risky, so I have brought washing for me to pretend to put away. It is key here I do not get caught out as junkies are prone to quickly divert their anger to the nearest person or object.

MAN: Oi! You ow me money! Don’t you ignore me mate.

WOMAN: Just leave it. Come on it’s not even him.

NARRATOR: Ah, I see better now. The male has mistaken a lamppost as someone he believes owes him money. The female, although non the wiser to this mistake as she too, is pretty out of it, is trying to pull the male back the other way to avoid any trouble.

F/X Metal clang.

MAN: AAAH!

NARRATOR: The male let the anger get the best of him and in a display of rage he has headbutted the lamppost. He now stands doubled over and is breathing heavily.

F/X Retching from the MAN.

WOMAN: Look what you’ve done now! Lets go!

NARRATOR: As the male is suddenly sick the female currently trying to drag the male away once again. However… oh dear-

F/X Squelch.

NARRATOR: So, the male has now lost consciousness and landed face first into his own vomit.

WOMAN: That’s it I’m going.

NARRATOR: And with that the female leaves and the mating ritual is complete. Only time will tell if it was a success. Usually, within 9 months time. Or perhaps I’ll see the female leaving Planned Parenthood in a couple of weeks. (Beat) I do hope Steve next door calls someone to deal with the male so I can pour water on the vomit later on. (Beat) And with that viewers, I say goodbye and thank you for tuning into this weeks epidote of Junky Watch.

SKETCH END