Visit a Scottish Seaside Town
NARRATOR: Wanting a change without coughing up the dosh to take the kids somewhere abroad? Especially after last time where they refused to eat anything that wasn’t a chicken nugget? No matter how many times you explained that chicken goujons were very similar to chicken nuggets? (beat) Then why not take a trip to a sunny seaside town in Scotland? (beat) Try a walk around the local harbour, get a classic fish and chips? They do chicken nuggets at chippies sometimes too.
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WARNING ANNOUNCER: Warning! Very important tourist reminder. Do NOT feed the seagulls. I repeat do not feed the gulls! They will become very aggressive. Not in a viral video way. There is nothing funny about it. Big Mad Larry had his head cracked open like a walnut last Tuesday by only a baby gull. And if that’s not enough to convince you we have still not found Jullie’s son who was carried away by a bigger gull last week! Locals have said they hear him squawk from a Cliffside nest. He’s one with seagulls now. So please do not-
F/X seagull squawk and static
NARRATOR: And what holiday by the Scottish seaside wouldn’t be complete without a visit to the beach. Contrary to popular belief Scotland does in fact reach hot! Hot! Hot! Temperatures of 20, sometimes 21 degrees! However, it is important to plan your visit around the small warm weather window. This year it is on June 27th between 11 am and 11:15am. (Beat) Too hot to handle? Don’t worry temperatures will drop for the rest of the summer with the never ending down pour, thunder storms and surprise snow midway through. And that’s all on one street! Don’t worry if you don’t like the heat and still want to experience the sunny minutes the tide is always high freezing cold and crashing over the barriers soaking you and your loved ones!
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WARNING ANNOUNCER: Good I have control back. Please listen. The seagulls have taken control of the safety announcements studio. DO NOT feed them. It will only make things worse! Another child has been taken. Mary’s daughter from the big shop. We can only hope she’s safe in the nest. Please send help. And do NOT feed the-
F/X seagull squawk followed by static.
NARRATOR: So come down to our gloomy seaside town today and have the staycation of your dreams instead of going somewhere more consistently sunny like Spain!
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