INT - EVENING - WITCHES SHACK
A witch is sitting in front of a circle of salt. Reading from a book. She is BLACK ANNIS.
ANNIS
I summon thee Baba Yaga!
BABA YAGA appears in the center of the circle facing away from Annis. She is faint like a ghost.
BABA
I can’t see you, Annis. What’s wrong?
ANNIS
Turn around Baba.
Baba turns a little to her left.
ANNIS
No turn fully around.
Baba turns a complete 180. (Annis’s right)
ANNIS
No, I meant- Nevermind just turn a little right.
Baba turns a little left.
ANNIS
No, your other right. Just keep turning right until you see me.
Baba turns right very slowly until she is facing Black Annis.
BABA
I do not know why you summoned me. Why couldn’t we just have met in the woods like normal? Or better yet you could have just walked to mine. You live around the corner, you lazy girl.
ANNIS
Lilith said she’s far too busy in the underworld to meet. So this is the best way to reach her. If you step to your right, I’ll summon her.
Baba steps to her left.
ANNIS
(Under her breath.)
Left will do.
ANNIS
(Cont. Reading from book)
Oh great Lady of Hell, Satan's Bride, most evil and- oh the bloody cheek, she’s written most babies eaten!
BABA
That lying bitch. We both know that’s me.
ANNIS
Well, best not get into that again. Listen Liith! You dozy cow. I Black Annis summon you. So just answer already.
A floating icon photo of Lilith appears beside Baba Yaga. Underneath is the word ‘Summoning’ followed by three dots that appear and reappear. A ringtone is heard it’s bad quality lost souls howling.
BABA
What’s happening now? Have you done it wrong?
ANNIS
Like to see you try. No, she’s just taking a while to pick up.
The howling stops. A VOICEOVER can be heard. It’s a deep demon voice. It is very monotone.
VOICEOVER
You have reached the voice mail for…
LILITH
(Pre-recorded response)
Lady Satan, the greatest demon queen, ruler of hell and all-mighty Herald of Darkness. Oh and evil princess!
VOICEOVER
Please leave a message after the scream.
A scream is heard.
ANNIS
Lilith! Pick up you abso-
A scream is heard again.
VOICEOVER
Summoning mail is filled. Please call back later.
The summoning icon disappears.
BABA
That narcissistic cow has filled her own voicemail!
ANNIS
Some of those are made up. They have to be!
BABA
Except for Satan’s Bride.
ANNIS
Of course, not that she’d let us forget. I’m not summoning back. We’ll just meet in the-
Baba Yaga disappears too.
ANNIS
The old crone finally figured out how to hang up!
CUT TO:
INT - SAME EVENING - HELL
Lilith is sitting in a fiery pit in hell. She is on a throne made of skulls. Beside her is a DEMON, who is holding an answering machine.
DEMON
Lady Satan, are you sure it isn’t a little long?
LILITH
No. But I don’t think it is quite right. Record another.
DEMON
Really? It’s been six hundred and sixty-five times.
LILITH
Yes, and what does Satan always say?
BOTH
The six hundred and sixty-sixth time does the charm.
LILITH
Exactly. Now get to it.
DEMON
OK, now.
LILITH
Lilith, the Bride of Satan, Lady of the Underworld, ruler of darkness…
Lilith trails off.
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