TV INTRO - MONTAGE OF FANTASY COUPLE SHOTS - VARIOUS TIMES OF DAY AND LOCATIONS.
Similar piano to the Halloween theme song plays. The images are of GHOSTFACE on dates with a generic 80’s camp instructor (CAMP INSTRUCTOR NUMBER 2). She often has a ‘2’ on her clothing somewhere. Followed by ASH WILLIAMS from the ‘Evil Dead’ taking the head of his dead girlfriend (LINDA) to the cinema, sharing a milkshake and so on.
NARRATOR
On tonight's episode of Fantasy Couples, we have a frightful treat, spooky mishaps and devilishly del- Ah no! Ah! Help!!!
Shuffling noises are heard. A new voice can be heard, a replacement narrator (NEW NARRATOR).
NEW NARRATOR
… And someone will clean up the body later? (beat) Yeah, cool. (beat) No, no it won’t smell for a while yet. Sorry about that folks. One of tonight's slasher villains who is part of the show was sick of the last narrator's Halloween comments. Anyway, in tonight's episode, we have slasher villain Ghostface and Camp Instructor Number 2. Followed by Ash Williams and his Deadite girlfriend, Linda.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - CABIN LIVING AREA - EVENING
Ghostface and Camp Instructor Number 2 are sitting on a couch in an old cabin. It’s dull and damp.
CAMP INSTRUCTOR NUMBER 2
So Ghosty over here had just killed every teen at the camp and all my co-workers and then I was like, oh no he’s coming for me. But I was just a background girl so he kinda forgot I was there. At first, I was like yay me! I’m the final girl! But then I was like, hey, I’m just as important. And I’m the only one who actually survived. So I got up and yelled ‘Hey! Tall, cute and spooky! Over here.’ He charged at me with his bloodied knife and I was like you are not going to kill me until I give you a piece of my-
NEW NARRATOR
Let’s move on to Ash and Linda for now.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - SHED - NIGHT
Ash is in a shed beside a workbench. In a vice is the head of Deadite Linda’s head. The red chainsaw is on the wall behind Ash.
ASH
So, yeah after Linda was possessed by-
Deadite Linda laughs maniacally.
ASH
Uhm, yeah I ended up having to chop off her head and burying it and-
Linda laughs insanely again.
ASH
I thought, why not-
Linda laughs and then speaks.
DEADITE LINDA
Ashy… Slahsy…
Linda laughs again.
ASH
That’s it!
Ash grabs the chainsaw off the wall and attaches it to his arm. He holds a pose, revving it before swinging it down onto Linda. Blood fills the screen.
ASH
Groovy, groovy silence.
NEW NARRATOR
That went about as well as I thought. Let’s check back in on that very long… oh.
CUT TO:
INT - CABIN LIVING AREA - EVENING
Same cabin as before but now Ghostface is repeatedly stabbing his girlfriend.
GHOSTFACE
Just shut up! Die bitch die!
NEW NARRATOR
Yup. sounds about right. I guess that’s it for tonight.
Shuffling about from the narrator can be heard.
NEW NARRATOR
Clean up crew. (beat) yeah, there’s blood, there, there… well all over really. (beat) and yeah that’s bits of dead body. Thank you I’m gonna get a coffee.
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