INT/EXT - AIRPORT - MORNING
Two men are standing in the doorway of an airport, leaving. One of them has two suitcases. He is EDWARD and the other is RICKY.
RICKY
We did it! Once we walk through the airport doors we’re officially on holiday! Hello, sunny Majorca in, three, two, one... And...
They both walk out. Ricky has his eyes closed and arms out to the side. They get soaked. It’s raining heavily.
RICKY
And it’s pissing of rain. Great. Why didn’t you check the forecast?
EDWARD
It’s Spain, in July. Why on earth would I have checked the weather?
RICKY
It’s fine. It’s not a complete disaster yet. Let’s just get the coach to the hotel.
They both rush off, out of shot.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - HOTEL RESTAURANT - EVENING
Edward and Ricky are standing beside a WAITER waiting to be seated. They are both in Hawaiian shirts and knee-length, beige shorts.
WAITER
Evening Sirs. Sorry, but we have a dress code here. Men must wear long trousers.
A group of women walk past in tiny vests and denim shorts.
RICKY
Oh, I see what the dress code is.
EDWARD
We don’t have long trousers. It’s Spain.
WAITER
We can’t let you in without long trousers.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - HOTEL RESTAURANT - SAME EVENING
Edward and Ricky are back in the restaurant. They are wearing the same shirts as before but with pyjama bottoms. Ricky has faded pink and white stripes. Edward’s are covered in cartoon characters.
WAITER
Much better Sirs. This way.
They both follow the waiter to their table and sit down. The waiter stands close to the table.
WAITER
It’s a buffet so you can help yourselves.
EDWARD
Thanks. What about drinks?
WAITOR
We have some nice wines?
RICKY
No, I’ll just have a water.
EDWARD
Me too.
WAITER
That’ll be four euros.
EDWARD
Oh, no we paid for all-inclusive.
WAITER
No, Sir. The water and other drinks are not included in that package.
RICKY
That’s not very inclusive is it?
RICKY
This is becoming a complete and utter disaster!
EDWARD
Look you get food and…
The waiter doesn’t move from the table.
EDWARD
Are you going to stand there the whole time?
WAITER
Yes Sir. In case you need me, Sir.
Ricky goes to the buffet with his plate. The waiter swoops in to grab it.
RICKY
What are you doing?
WAITER
Are you not finished Sir?
RICKY
Finished? We’ve not even started.
WAITER
My mistake Sir.
The waiter slinks back but is still very close to the table. Ricky leaves for the buffet.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - HOTEL RESTAURANT - EVENING
Some time has passed. Ricky and Edward are sitting with half-eaten plates of seafood. The waiter is standing close by, checking his watch and shaking his head. He is being obvious and trying to hurry them up.
RICKY
I’m gonna nip to the loo.
Ricky gets up and leaves the frame. The waiter swoops in for the plate but Edward grabs it and pulls it towards himself.
EDWARD
He’s not done!
The waiter pulls the plate back.
WAITER
I have to clear the plates.
Edward pulls it back.
EDWARD
But we’re not done!
The waiter pulls the plate.
WAITER
You’ve had plenty to eat!
Edward pulls the plate back again.
EDWARD
It’s a buffet.
The waiter pulls the plate so hard it sends all the seafood flying covering himself and Edward.
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