INT - RESTAURANT - LUNCH TIME
Two women (LADY and LASSIE) are sitting across each other at a booth table. The sound of a baby crying is heard.
LADY
Will you have a starter?
LASSIE
Are you?
LADY
I will if you will.
LASSIE
Have you seen the size of the starters here?
LADY
They are huge!
LASSIE
The size of that noisy baby over there.
LADY
Ridiculous, when I was a baby I never cried. Not once.
LASSIE
What’s it even crying for?
LADY
Free food? Free toys? How old anyway? One? Two months?
The baby stops crying.
LASSIE
You know what I was doing then?
LADY
Working down the mine!
LASSIE
Exactly. My father would roll me down the mineshaft and if I cried at the end they would send the canary down to test for gas before coming to collect me.
Lady shifts in the booth, it squeaks.
LADY
Will we share a starter or no?
LASSIE
Only if you’re OK with the price.
LADY
It’s an awful price, especially with how little you get.
Lassie shifts and the seat squeaks.
LASSIE
What about mains?
LADY
Thinking burger, but why is it always skin on fries?
LASSIE
Or sweet potato. If I want veg then I’d order a salad.
LADY
Aren’t regular potatoes veg?
LASSIE
Yeah but not really, They're nice for a start.
LADY
How about pudding?
LASSIE
Won’t we be too full?
LADY
Will we see how we feel later on?
A WAITER enters the scene.
WAITERS
Are you ladies ready to order? Just so you know pension meals are half the price of our regular meals.
LADY
Pension?
LASSIE
We are no pensioners Sonny!
LADY
For one thing, I’m only eighty-six and she’s only eighty-four.
LASSIE
The audacity!
LADY
How very dare you!
LASSIE
Now, take this note.
Lassie hands the water a note. The seat squeaks as she moves.
LASSIE
(Cont.)
This is what we’d like bring us the full portions please and thank you!
WAITER
Uhm sorry ladies… this is your prescription.
LASSIE
Oh sorry, don’t have my reading glasses, here, this one.
Lassie and the waiter change more notes. The seat squeaks as she moves.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT - RESTAURANT - LATER AFTERNOON
The ladies are sitting at the table with empty plates.
LADY
Will you have a pudding?
LASSIE
Are you?
LADY
I will if you will.
LASSIE
Have you seen the size of the puddings here?
LADY
They are huge!
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