EXT - DAY - MARKET
A stall at a market with what looks like swimming equipment on display. A man (STALL OWNER)mans the stand. On the stand is a misspelt sign that reads ‘Shup fir all Needz.’
STALL OWNER
Get your end of the world gear. For all your shopping needs.
A man (BUYER) approaches the stall.
BUY
The world isn’t ending mate.
STALL OWNER
Can never be too careful. Do you really want your wee Jimmy running around without his own ‘End of the World’ snorkel when the bombs do go off?
The stall owner picks up a snorkel and shows it to the buyer.
BUYER
How does that work then?
STALL OWNER
Well, you use it just like a normal snorkel but you use it to breath out the top of the radiation clouds. Get some nice clean air.
BUYER
I don’t think that’s how any of that works. Anything else?
The stall owner runs his finger across the writing. The snorkel has ‘End of the Worm’ written on the side.
STALL OWNER
It has ‘End of the World’ written on the side.
BUYER
No it doesn’t
STALL OWNER
It does. I wrote it myself.
BUYER
No, it says ‘End of the Worm.’
STALL OWNER
That’s two for one that is. World and Worm.
BUYER
What does that even mean?
STALL OWNER
Alright, I can see that’s not enough for you. What about I throw in these ‘End of the World’ goggles?
The stall owner puts the snorkel on the desk and gets out a pair of swimming goggles. On the side they have ‘Emb of the World’ written on them
BUYER
You’ve written ‘Emb.’
STALL OWNER
Exactly, that is referring to the embers that will be left when the world has come to an end.
BUYER
Very good. What are they supposed to do then? Stop dust getting in your eyes?
STALL OWNER
That’s right sir. That plus the flames I suppose.
BUYER
And how much are you expecting for these?
STALL OWNER
Fifteen pounds each. (beat) But, I am willing to cut you a deal. I’ll give you them both for twenty-five.
BUYER
I can buy both of these for less than two pounds on the highstreet.
STALL OWNER
Alright, I’ll give you the catapult for one hundred quid too.
BUYER
For a catapult!?
STALL OWNER
They’re normally two hundred mate!
BUYER
And where exactly is this catapult?
The stall owner points off into the distance. The buyer looks over.
STALL OWNER
You see that castle up that hill?
BUYER
Yeah?
STALL OWNER
Just on the left wall?
BUYER
Are you talking about the old siege equipment?
STALL OWNER
Now you see why it costs so much.
BUYER
You can’t sell that.
STALL OWNER
Why not? It’s mine.
BUYER
It really isn't.
STALL OWNER
I spray painted ‘End of the World’ on it in the night. It’s mine now.
BUYER
Oh, did you really? Or perhaps you wrote ‘End of the Womb’ or maybe ‘Wimb.’
STALL OWNER
Actually I wrote an acronym. ‘EotM’. How’s that for clever?
BUYER
Is that an acronym for ‘End of the Mittens?’
STALL OWNER
Oh damn. It’s ‘W,’isn’t it?
The buyer shakes his head and walks off.
STALL OWNER
Some people. Honestly.
The stall owner arranges the stock.
SKETCH END
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